Over the past few years it seems that almost every dating dilemma I hear from my coaching clients and girlfriends has something to do with the texting. He told her how busy he was and she felt flattered that he was keeping in touch.
Texting and dating definitely isn’t just for 20 year olds anymore. “Melissa” stayed up until 3 AM texting with her dude. She wants to know how to stop obsessing over him being The One.
These women are all dating after 40…some in their 60s and 70s. They had one date three weeks prior, and since it’s only been texting. Texting has certainly complicated dating and relationships.
“Sue” connected with a man on Tinder, they had a couple emails, and then he started texting. I’m going to give you some straight scoop about what texting really means and doesn’t mean.
He sent her pictures of the baseball game he attended. She told him about her car trouble and he responded ‘why didn’t you ask me to come help? And, most importantly, how you can take control of the situation – like a grownup! If you are like Sue, Lila or Melissa, here is what you need to know: Continuous texting, when void of in-person meeting, creates a false sense of connection.
Do not assume that getting a bunch of texts from a guy means you are having a relationship. If a man is choosing to only text or primarily text, he’s not showing signs of wanting to get to know you in a meaningful way. Whether it’s because they found someone else, were just playing or because they got scared — that’s 100% immaterial. You feel like you are getting to know one another, but that is not what’s happening.
Sure, he wouldn’t be spending any time if he wasn’t attracted to you, but if he’s solely texting, he doesn’t think of you as a potential partner. You know what you need to know: he isn’t a good, grownup man worth your time. A text ‘relationship’ is simply like being a player in a game.
Expecting him to move on to something more serious isn’t realistic. There are so many ways to know if a man is a serious guy who is interested in getting to know you. It’s a type of false connection that sets up incredibly unrealistic assumptions and expectations.
I can’t tell you how many emails I’ve received from coaching clients with a text conversation pasted in and the question: What do you think he means (aka WTF)????
You probably know the guy who texts once in a while as a kind of check in.
He tells you how much he likes you and even acts super interested in your life. He says how busy he is and how he’d really love to see you soon. If you haven’t met him yet and he’s texting to see if you can get together on short notice, don’t be flattered.
He’s either impulsive or, more likely, using you as a back-up girl when his other plans fell through. A grownup guy who truly wants to know you will get the message and ask you out ahead of time.
A player or user guy will text you again in a few weeks wanting to see you that night. It’s all about how he FEELS when he’s with you, and he knows it.
Take it for what it is – he’s probably not serious about dating and he’s going down his list, hoping you bite. A man who wants a healthy, mature connection will make every effort to show you he’s interested and to actually see you in person. So if he’s looking for something more than one fun night, a good man will do what he can to impress you by asking you out, and then be in your presence.